It Feels So Physical—A Beginning That Hurts Like An End

I look for you everywhere I go

What is it about this season and its aching for love

What is it about this season and the misery of missing

It feels so physical, weight crushed under stone

It feels so stoic, so undiscovered and untold

Like I've taken an expired espresso shot

Like I can smell vomit at the back of my throat

Like I can never recover from this regret

Like this misery is all I'm ever going to get

As I try to heal from a gaping bullet wound

All I find are bandaids scattered from room to room

And my ears are ringing with winter silence

Ringing with a want that threatens to ruin

A fever I've ached for but could never find

A dedicated distraction, so welcomed and refined

Tiny fissures and things fall apart again

For a beginning that hurts like an end